Opening the Gap: Move Beyond Emotional Reactivity in Leadership
- Ron Adiel
- Jul 15
- 5 min read
Can you imagine what it would mean to be constantly reactive?
Not occasionally, not just under pressure, but always?
From the moment we wake up, our attention is being hijacked. A notification, a headline, a facial expression in a video call — each one triggers a reaction. And those reactions quietly shape our day, often without us realizing we’ve been reactive all along.
But what if we could interrupt that chain and choose how our day unfolds?
Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor whose work became a cornerstone of modern existential psychology, provided a powerful statement:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
That “space” — the gap — is where leadership begins. It’s where Self-Leadership lives. And it’s almost always invisible.
Most people never learn how to access it.
This blog will show you how.
“Between stimulus and response … lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl
Why We Constantly React — And Why That Matters
In high-stakes moments, most executives don’t lead. They react.
A charged question in a board meeting. A delay in funding. An underperforming team.
We respond automatically — often before we even register what happened. And more often than not, we escalate the situation.
A single trigger hijacks attention, and just like that, our mind begins to spiral.
That’s when the survival system takes the wheel.
The impact is real. A 2025 study found that 71% of leaders report heightened stress*. And when stress spikes, so does emotional reactivity. Stress narrows perception and activates primitive survival pathways, making reactive, impulsive responses more likely and harder to interrupt — undermining both emotional regulation and executive presence.
We’ve all heard advice like: “Count to 10 before you respond.”
But how often does that actually work?
The issue isn’t willpower. It’s mechanics. You simply can’t pause what you don’t notice. You can’t interrupt what you can’t see.
Most people attempt to manage the aftermath — trying to regulate emotions or reframe thoughts after they’ve already taken hold.
But by then, the train has already left the station.
Yet there is a moment — almost invisible — where a different choice becomes possible.
What we need isn’t after-the-fact control.
We need to open a gap — so we can respond proactively, from clarity rather than compulsion.
The Mechanics of the Human Operating System
Reactivity isn’t random.
It follows a structured sequence — one mapped by both neuroscience and ancient wisdom.
In Buddhism, this sequence is described through the Five Aggregates — a framework that explains how human experience forms in real time:
1. Consciousness: Basic awareness
2. Body: Sensory input and physiological processing
3. Object Registration: Recognition of the stimulus (what you see, hear, feel)
4. Feeling: An immediate, pre-emotional sensation: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral
5. Mind Formations: The arising of thoughts, emotions, judgments, beliefs, and intentions
Steps 1 through 4 happen instinctively — in milliseconds. They’re automatic and outside our control.
Step 5 begins within seconds — and can spiral for minutes, hours, or even days, especially when fueled by internal narrative loops.
Here’s the key:
The critical place where you can open a gap is between step 4 and step 5 —Between the Feeling and the Formation.
This is the moment Frankl described.
A feeling arises — discomfort, tension, or a flash of pleasure. If unnoticed, the mind begins forming stories that mix thoughts with emotions:
“They’re disrespecting me.”
“I can’t believe this is happening again.”
“I need to fix this now.”
These are mind formations.
And once they take hold, they dominate. They shape your emotional state, your next move, and the tone you bring to everything that follows.
But here’s the truth:
They’re not inevitable — just unobserved.
If you can train your system to notice the Feeling — and proactively intervene before it becomes a Formation — you reclaim the ability to choose.
That’s the beginning of Self-Leadership.
That’s where the Executive State becomes possible.
And that’s the edge outstanding leaders need — a shift from reacting automatically to leading intentionally.
Awareness is the birthplace of leadership.
Open the Gap: How to Stop Emotional Reactivity in Leadership
Opening the gap is deceptively simple — but it requires understanding the mechanics.
It begins with awareness — noticing that a reaction is forming.
That single moment of noticing creates a sliver of space. That is the gap you’re seeking.
And here’s the good news: that sliver can be trained.
1. Breath Meditation
Breath meditation is one of the most practical ways to build space between stimulus and response.
It trains your attention to stay with a feeling without spiraling — and stabilizes the nervous system so clarity can emerge even in high-pressure moments.
2. Objective Observation
Objective Observation is the practice of seeing inner experience clearly — without judgment, labeling, or entanglement.
When you observe without identifying, the formation may arise — but it doesn’t own you.
3. Resilience as Inner Infrastructure
Resilience isn’t just a trait — it’s a trainable capacity.
It’s the ability to remain present without defaulting to fight, flight, or freeze.
The more you train your nervous system to stay composed under pressure, the more accessible the gap becomes — even in high-stakes environments.
This is the foundation of Reengineering the Survival Instinct™.
4. Stretch Training
Every emotionally charged moment is a ‘rep’ — a training ground to stretch your internal capacity.
When you pause, stay present, and observe the feeling — even for two seconds — you’re expanding the bandwidth of your nervous system.
That’s how the gap opens.
That’s how choice becomes your default.
It’s how you stop reacting and start leading — even in your hardest moments.
Leadership begins not when you react — but when you pause long enough to choose.
Practice: This Week, Open the Gap
This isn’t conceptual — it’s trainable. And it starts now.
This week, pay attention to moments like these:
A comment that stings
A meeting that frustrates you
An email that sets you off
A moment when you feel the urge to fix, defend, prove, or withdraw
Don’t aim for perfection. Don’t try to eliminate reaction.
Instead, aim to notice the moment between the Feeling and the Formation.
Even half a second of awareness is a win.
In that space, you may find breath. You may find stillness.
Eventually, you’ll find clarity.
Each time you open a gap, you activate the Executive State.
Each time you proactively choose your response, you rewire your leadership.
Over time, this quiet practice becomes your most reliable power tool for presence and performance.
Ready to train the inner skills that power high-impact leadership?
Explore how the Lifetime Evolution Program empowers leaders to proactively rewire reactivity, build resilience, and expand capacity — even under pressure.
(*) DDR, Global Leadership Forecast 2025
About the Author
Ron Adiel, PhD, empowers CEOs, Founders, and CXOs to achieve holistic transformational growth through the Lifetime Evolution Program, which integrates executive leadership expertise, psychology, and neuroscience.
